Skip to main content

My boyfriend of six months has moved farther away. I don't know if we can have a healthy relationship if he lives so far away. Can you give me advice?

While plenty of people have happy, healthy, long-distance relationships, this is not the case for everyone. Being far apart can create difficulties in scheduling times to talk on the phone or use video chat, and certainly puts stress on the intimacy that's been established in a relationship. That being said, some people maintain friendships and romantic relationships without ever meeting in person! Here are a few things you may want to consider:


You mentioned that your boyfriend has moved farther away and that you did not already live in the same place. Has the distance between you been a source of stress or complications in the six months you've been in a relationship? If so, how do you think the increased distance might add to this stress? If not, why do you think distance will become a problem now if it has not been thus far? Were you able to visit and spend time with each other, but now cannot? 


What means of communication do you use to "spend time" with each other? Skype or other video chat, talking on the phone, sending letters, playing online games together? Will any of that change? If you have been able to spend time together in person and it looks like increased distance will cause a problem here, are there any ways you can overcome this obstacle? For example, if the two of you spent time together and really enjoyed going to baseball games, maybe you could watch baseball games on television at the same time. There are plenty of ways to "synthesize" activities.


Because you have been in this relationship for about six months, I'm sure that you know each other pretty well. I am about to ask a difficult question, but do you feel that this relationship is worth the stress of staying together despite the distance? Will it lead to more stress for one or both of you to maintain the relationship in these new circumstances? Or are both of you happier and healthier in the relationship? I know that this is not an easy thing to think about, so I suggest you make a list of the pros and cons for you and your boyfriend with regards to this relationship. You might even ask your partner to create a pros and cons list, and then you could compare. Communication is important, especially in long-distance relationships.


Finally, I would like to suggest that you give it a test run! It sounds like you want to stay in a relationship with your boyfriend but are concerned about the complications of long-distance. If you really like him, I think it could be worth giving it at least a month to allow your partner time to adjust to his new surroundings and schedule. This could also be a great opportunity for the two of you to get creative with ideas on how you can spend time emotionally and mentally connecting, eve if you are not together in person. 


Here is a link to a website that has lots of suggestions for activities for long-distance couples, as well as advice on having a healthy long-distance relationship.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

etymology - Origin of the greeting "Sweet dreams".

Does anybody know the etymology of the phrase "sweet dreams"? I tried googling but did not find anything satisfying. Is this a relatively new phrase of the modern world or has this been in use for some time? I think it's the latter one. Answer The OED has the interjection as "a farewell to someone going to bed" from the 20th century: 1908 Sears Roebuck Catal. 198/1 Tenor Solos..Good Bye, Sweet Dreams, Good Bye. But it goes back until at least the 19th and possibly 18th centuries. John Wolcot, writing under the pseudonym of Peter Pindar, used it in his poem "Orson and Ellen; A Legendary Tale" published in 1801: Also from 1801 in The infernal Quixote (Page 287) by Charles Lucas: In the March 1776 of The Universal Magazine was published "The Serenade. A Pastoral Tale. From the German of Gesner" , where the shepherd Daphnis watches over his beloved as she sleeps and sings: The same tale appears in 1776's as Idyl XI, " Daphnis ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Is there a word/phrase for "unperformant"?

As a software engineer, I need to sometimes describe a piece of code as something that lacks performance or was not written with performance in mind. Example: This kind of coding style leads to unmaintainable and unperformant code. Based on my Google searches, this isn't a real word. What is the correct way to describe this? EDIT My usage of "performance" here is in regard to speed and efficiency. For example, the better the performance of code the faster the application runs. My question and example target the negative definition, which is in reference to preventing inefficient coding practices. Answer This kind of coding style leads to unmaintainable and unperformant code. In my opinion, reads more easily as: This coding style leads to unmaintainable and poorly performing code. The key to well-written documentation and reports lies in ease of understanding. Adding poorly understood words such as performant decreases that ease. In addressing the use of such a poorly ...
Post a Comment
Read more

What are the similarities between the relationships of the characters in The Outsiders and Romeo and Juliet?

At first glance, it might appear as if the characters in  The Outsiders  by S. E. Hinton and  Romeo and Juliet  by William Shakespeare do not have much in common; however, when one isolates the core of the conflicts, it becomes clear that the relationships in both stories are rooted in rivalry and secrecy.  In both  The Outsiders  and  Romeo and Juliet , an overarching theme is rivalry. While   socioeconomic status separates the greasers from the Socs in The Outsiders , last names separates the Montagues from the Capulets, who appear to be relatively equal in terms of socioeconomic status. Due to these rivalries, there are instances of deadly interactions in both stories. In  The Outsiders , Johnny kills Bob (whether his actions were justified or not is debatable). In  Romeo and Juliet , Romeo kills Tybalt and Paris, and Tybalt kills Mercutio. These deaths have profound effects on the main characters. In Ponyboy's case, the Johnny's death and other events in the novel inspire h...
Post a Comment
Read more